Painting titled Hotstreak by Jo Ann Brown-Scott

I am not referring to my blog – I will  not unsubscribe from your blog and please do not unsubscribe  from  mine. I am speaking generically here about the annoyances of removing one’s name and email address from a list….it is like trying to pry bricks out of a wall, one by one.

Please get me off that list! Leave me alone! Stop asking me for info! I am on overload! I have no time for this! My days are full enough!

As I have said frequently and recently, I am moving from northern California to Colorado in July. What a job. It involves a crossing of states with major arrangements at both ends and in between. I have been making plans and scheduling stuff since mid-March. It is like the domino effect – one thing depends on another thing, and if some one thing fails in any way the entire procedure collapses. The links of all the tasks that form the path to Denver must be strong and dependable.

Without exception, every service provider I am dealing with asks me to fill out an online evaluation survey form before they have even completed the service I am paying for! They want to know how their phone service is doing before the big stuff ever even happens! How the first person on the phone did, how the second person on the phone did and the speed with which my questions were answered. They want to know how I heard about them, who told me what, whether or not I have visited their webpage (are you kidding? I barely have time to sleep) and what I was wearing the day I made the arrangements for their service. Not really – just kidding on that last one, but it would not surprise me.

One of the things I am doing with the move  is that I am purging my most annoying online contacts – don’t ask me why –  somehow it feels like doing that makes me lighter than air for the move to Denver. I want to UNCOMPLICATE. I want to be streamlined and sleek and simple. I am unsubscribing to every single stupid thing that I don’t want anymore in my email. You might think that is an easy mindless chore, but oh no you are wrong. It takes hours. Their questions come at me like softballs out of a batting machine.

Would you like to change your personal settings to limit the number of emails you receive? One a week perhaps? One a month? What would work for you?

YES! I would like to limit them to none! NONE would work really well for me – none of the above, in other words. Nada. Zilch. Zero. 

 WHY do you want to unsubscribe? How can we better serve you?

Because I am choking on all of your material in my email box! Because I am sick & tired of your information clogging my arteries! You can better serve me by allowing me to end your unending service to me. I beg you.

Do you want to unsubscribe to every other publication we send you or just some of it?

You send me other stuff? How dare you! YES! All of it! Gone! Unsubscribe me to all of it! Every single little teensy thing! I am now yelling at you!

Do you have a comment that might be helpful to us?

NO! Nothing that is printable!  Just get me off your list!

And finally, what is the reason for your action to unsubscribe?

I know it sounds crazy, but I am moving to Colorado. I know you do business there also but I don’t want you chasing me. Please don’t follow me. I want a restraining order. I am calling the cops.